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I love mother. I forgave everything.
"I love mom. I forgave everything",- Tears splashed from Sonya's eyes, endless streams spreading across her face.
Before that, I asked her a simple question: "What is your relationship with your mother?"“I love my mother, I forgave her everything,” she replied and at that moment burst into tears.
Then followed a long story, as a child, mother hurt and unjustly punished. From time to time, Sonya stopped as her entire body shook with sobs. "But you do not think, I still treat my mother well. I know that you have to love your mother," she said.
There was a feeling that she wanted to convince me of her love for her mother. So I believed her.But behind the words “I love my mother, I forgave everything” hid a lot of repressed feelings.
Many of us have had difficult relationships with our parents. Mom could be cold, powerful, not enough included in the emotional world of the child. In such situations, resentment and unlived experiences arise that we carry with us throughout our lives, and which may be hidden under secondary feelings, such as guilt.
The child feels guilty - that he is “some kind of not”, “bad”, so mom gets angry and scolds him. He can not show a response, therefore, translates them into himself. This leads tobehind our attitudes and the desire to love mom, to be near her, we suppress our feelings.It makes it difficult to come to the true, unconditional love that was originally in us.
Bert Hellinger writes: “If in a relationship we say to another:“ I forgive you, ”something completely different happens in the souland the opposite. So we find the other guilty. ” If we think that mother is to blame for us, we automatically take the position of God, considering ourselves better. Guilt always demands compensation, which we expect from our parents later in life. If we do not receive it, then we feel deprived and take the position of a “victim”, which can be hidden under external uncertainty, bashfulness, low self-esteem, apathy, etc.
Such a person hardly makes decisions and takes responsibility. In some people, one can observe constant dissatisfaction with life “everything is wrong and everything is not that kind of thing”.Man lives with the inner feeling that everyone shouldstarting with the state, the boss, the husband, and ending with the children and grandchildren. Experiencing a constant feeling of “under ...” (underdone, disliked, etc.) or considers himself “underrelated ...” (not good enough, not enough specialist, etc.).
What to do with it?To look and give a place to all the feelings: guilt, shame, fear, insecurity ... To recognize them and give them the right to exist: “Yes, I have complaints about my mother, and I take offense at her for that, for that and for that. .. " In fact, feelings are present regardless of their awareness or unawareness. In the case when we recognize them and give them a place, they can transform.If the feelings remain depressed or are denied, the person cannot control them.
Then ask yourself the question: “Is my mother perfect or an ordinary woman?” The fact is that an ordinary woman can make mistakes and behave imperfectly. She does not know how to do it, she does the very best for her child as much as she can. Always a “small” child in front of his “big” mom ... Can he forgive anything at all for mom? Does he have the right to condemn and evaluate? Due to the fact that we were hard in childhood - we are what we are now.Mom did everything right, as she could.It is necessary to accept - mother is always right! The path to mother is the path to life.